Ten Credit Touch

Mini Review By Sarah Thompson

I saved the best for last. =Ten-Credit Touch: The Lighter Side of B7 Kink= is the funniest thing I have seen in a long, long time. Everyone on the show is well represented in this one. Tarrant tidbits include the story "Scorpio Blues, and Green," by Lexa Reiss, in which Avon and Vila get tired of being inconvenienced by Tarrant's raging hormones and decide to do something drastic to curb his enthusiasm; the memoirs of Commissioner Sleer (in the chapter on "Men": "Del Tarrant, for instance...six foot three and everything in proportion"); and a nice semi-serious filk about Tarrant's experiences with men in black leather. There are lots of other goodies, too. My favorite thing in the zine is the choose-your-own slash story detailing all possible consequences of Blake's attempt to seduce Avon, most of them disastrous. "The Federation Grammarian," an article on grammatical and orthographic mistakes to be avoided in B7 smut, with examples, is too, too true. I cannot recommend this zine too highly. You'll love it.

Mini Review By Carol Mc

Ten-Credit Touch was a gem that well tickled my funny bone in all the right places. Since humor appreciation is so dependent on individual tastes, I thought I'd share one of my favorite bits to give you a preview of what to expect. From "What Your Spell-Checker Won't Tell You":

//Literally means according to the precise meaning of the word. It does not mean "emphatically" or "figuratively." The sentence "He was literally dead on his feet" is correct only if you're talking about an upright cadaver--it is incorrect if you just mean that the person was extremely tired. "Soolin was literally having kittens" is out, unless you're writing a Beauty and the Beast crossover.//

Contents

Stories include:

"Dirty Branching": A choose-your-own slash adventure! As Blake, you attempt to seduce Avon. Will your efforts end in romantic ecstasy, or will you lose your dignity? Or your ship, or your life? What secrets will you learn about the rest of the crew? Your choices determine the outcome of the story!

"Always/Victimized": "Those idiotic girls!" Avon fumed. "I suppose this is their idea of sophisticated humor. You'd think after that episode with Blake, the weasel, and the rubber hose they'd be a bit more subdued."

"In the Line of Duty": Raping a helpless prisoner is just part of the job to Travis. But what he doesn't know about Aurons is about to make him the laughingstock of Space Command...

"Leadership Secrets of Commissioner Sleer": Servalan discusses politics, fashion, and the men in her life, including Del Tarrant (not brilliant, but gorgeous and quite sweet) and Kerr Avon (his idea of foreplay was to back up a few paces and say "brace yourself.").

"Scorpio Blues, and Green": Summoned to one of Dorian's "playrooms," Tarrant doesn't know which is more frightening: the gun in Avon's hand or the shopping bag in Vila's.

Find out what's on sale at Polly Morfus-Purv's boutique in Freedom City! Learn why Travis decided to change his accent! Filks, puzzles, trivia quizzes, poetry, advice to writers from the Federation Grammarian, cartoons, and Avon's Oxymorons!!

Availability

A limited number of copies of TEN-CREDIT TOUCH -- a wonderfully wicked satire of adult and slash written by fans who obviously love the genre -- are currently available from Mary Robert, 1840 Schulte Hill Dr., Maryland Hts., MO 63043, kb0myx@visto.com. U.S. price (including postage): $15; if ordering from outside the U.S., contact Mary for a price. All orders must include an age statement.

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Last updated on 01st of February 2003.