Red Roses

by Judith Proctor

tune: 'Oh Dear What Can the Matter be?'

Oh dear, what can the matter be,
Lots of fen hiding from Friday through Saturday,
They won't come out until late on the Sunday,
Don't tell their husbands they're there!

CHORUS

They're going to a con by the name of Red Roses,
They're going to a con by the name of Red Roses,
They're going to a con by the name of Red Roses,
Chosing their favourite pair.

Blake has a rough time when sleeping with Avon,
For he's a right bastard when he's misbehavin'
But for wonderful sex, he's the pick of the decks,
When choosing our favourite pair.

Will Bodie call Doyle his angelfish, sunshine?
Will they be shagging before it is lunchtime?
If Doyle is an elf, will it damage his health?
We're choosing our favourite pair.

When Ray is mounting, he's mounting a Mountie,
If you can film them, I'll pay you a bounty,
If Dief is deaf, why's he holding his breath -
On hearing his favourite pair?

If Mulder could choose between Krychek and Skinner,
Which one of them would he have after dinner?
Scully's no chance in the slash writers' dance,
They're choosing their favourite pair.

Some folk say Spock has sex one year in seven,
But I saw Kirk last night at ten past eleven,
On Tuesday and Monday, and three times on Sunday,
Choosing his favourite pon farr!


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