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Remember Me

By Helen Parkinson
Page 1 of 6

Blake stared morosely into the almost empty coffee cup. He could not face what he had done and he now regretted asking Jenna for the full story. He wished he had settled for Avon's terse 'He is back to normal' or Cally's gentle reassurance. Jenna's version of the events at, and just prior to, the Atlay conference had been brief but provided him with more than enough of the details. To be totally honest, he remembered most of it now anyway, although it still had that air of unreality of a dream. He looked up at last, his eyes bleak, and met Jenna's concerned face. He tried a smile for her.

      "I'm sorry," he said.

      "What for?" she asked. "That wasn't you, it was that machine of Ven Glynd's."

      "No, it wasn't," Blake corrected her. "The words, ideas, manipulations, they were all mine. I just knew I had to get the ship to that particular mining satellite." He paused. "It is just possible I would have killed you, any one of you, to do that."

      "Oh," Jenna said softly. She hadn't known.

      "I owe all of you an apology," Blake continued. "Especially Avon and Cally." He took a deep breath. "We have to continue the deconditioning." Jenna went white and pulled away from him.

      "No!" she protested, half out of concern for Blake and half out of terror for herself. She didn't think she could face Blake's nightmares with him again.

      "Yes," Blake repeated, a touch of finality in his voice.

      "I agree." Avon's voice came suddenly. Blake looked up. As Jenna turned, she cursed softly; she hadn't heard Avon approach. The time was when she had prided herself on the fact no one could take her by surprise. Avon and Cally were standing at the top on the flight deck steps. Cally looked concerned, Avon pale but determined. Orac rested in his arms.

      "Why?" Jenna asked him. "Revenge?"

      "Do not be foolish," Cally admonished the other woman. "Blake, you must finish this." Blake nodded. Avon walked slowly down the steps to place Orac on the table. As he did so, Jenna got to her feet and moved up close behind him. She knew how much Avon hated others invading his personal space but just at the moment she didn't care.

      "Whose idea was this?" she asked. "Your's, Avon? Forgive me if I doubt your motives."

      Avon turned to face her. Smiling slightly, he tapped the fingers of one hand against Orac's key. "I forgive you, Jenna," he said blandly, then turned to fit the key in place. Orac whined into life.

      "Why you..."

      "Leave it," Blake commanded, moving to stand beside Avon. Jenna shut up but stayed where she was as Cally walked across to listen to the computer. Avon looked at Blake, his gaze steady - almost, Blake thought, reassuring. "I'm sorry Avon, Cally..." Blake began. Avon raised an elegant eyebrow slightly and half turned to look at Cally.

      "It was not your fault, Blake," Cally told him. "But we must prevent it from happening again."

      "The machine's destroyed..." Jenna protested. Blake glared at her and Avon turned a stare that could have been amused on her. She subsided.

      "Agreed," Blake told Cally. "How?"

      Avon turned his attention from Jenna; very briefly he focussed on Blake, then he placed his hands on Orac's casing. Just for a moment, Blake thought they were shaking.

      "Orac," Avon began, his voice steady, hard, "tell Blake, and Jenna, your suggestions regarding the Federation conditioning." He turned to face Blake as the machine replied.

      "Blake, it is essential that you complete the deconditioning treatment. The use of the control device has made it almost 90% certain that further treatments will enable you to remember all your past. And remove the danger of the same method being successful in controlling you in the future."

      "You can remove the trigger signal?"


      "Then we must."

      "But you said your memories were coming back anyway..." Jenna protested.

      "Yes, Jenna," Avon said, still watching Blake. "At any time, under any circumstances, but especially under stress conditions, Blake could experience flashbacks like those you witnessed via Orac."

      "Oh." Jenna paled. She didn't want that for Blake. Bad enough to see it all second-hand, but she didn't want to share his dreams with him again.

      As if he had heard the thought, Avon smiled. "Don't worry Jenna," he reassured, turning to look at her at last. "Orac suggests that rather than you, I should share the experience with Blake."

      The surge of relief Jenna felt made her quite guilty. "You," she said, more harshly perhaps than she had intended. "Why?"

      "Natural affinity," Orac replied.

      "You said I was the best suited last time."

      "Jealous, Jenna?" Avon taunted softly.

      "Why, Avon?" Blake asked. Avon turned to look at him then, his face cold and angry, but Blake thought he saw hurt in his eyes.

      "If you don't trust me, Blake, find someone else. I'm sure one of your followers would love the job. I have no real desire to share in your nightmares."

      "This is my mind, Avon," Blake replied. "I'm sure you, of all people, must understand, I have a right to know what has changed." Avon held his gaze for a moment, then nodded, dropping his eyes, conceding the point.

      "You're going ahead with it?" Jenna asked.

      "Yes. Well, Orac?"

      "The use of the Auron device and recent details of your conditioning have made it necessary to alter the parameters of the deconditioning."

      "You have new information! What?"

      "It would be ill-advised to disclose details until completion of the treatment," the computer replied.

      "Very well," Blake accepted. "When do we start?"

      "Treatment should begin at once. The use of the medical unit will be necessary to enable Cally to keep a close check on the subjects' vital signs."

      "Subjects, Orac?" Cally said. The computer made no reply.

      "Why didn't you specify that before?" Blake asked

      "The work Jenna commenced reached the deeper levels of the conditioning. We must now remove these. It is possible that the Federation psychomanipulators included a self destruct program."

      "You mean I might kill myself if we attempt to remove all their meddling?" Blake asked, his voice strangely devoid of life.

      "It is more probable that such a command, should it exist, would work on a subconscious level probably inducing cardiac arrest."

      "That's nice to know," Avon muttered.

      "How would Avon be affected if that is the case?" Blake demanded. Avon looked across Orac at Blake, apparently surprised by the other's expression of concern for him.

      "Provided that both subjects are monitored, I will be able to ascertain should such a point be reached or such programming exist. Both subjects could be awakened. There is no danger."

      "Easy for you to say," Jenna said. "I don't think it's a good idea."

      "I have to do this, Jenna," Blake said. "Even if there was no danger for the rest of you in my past returning piecemeal, I have to remember. Don't you see, this is my past - I have to know who I was. I want my life back." There was pain in his voice to which Jenna couldn't help but react.

      "All right. When?"

      "At once," Orac replied.

      "How long will it take?"

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