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A Dismal Performance - B7 in The Weakest Link

By Marian de Haan
Page 2 of 9

ANN: Round two. We take ten seconds off the clock. We start with the strongest link from the last round, that's Avon. Let's play the Weakest Link.

[Rousing music.]

ANN: The first question is for twenty Credits. Start the clock! Avon, in music, name the composer of the Kairos Symphonies.

AVON: [Taps his console again.] Aranea Brian.

ANN: Correct. Dayna, what is the name of the manner in which the United Planets of Teal and the Vandor Confederacy settle their disputes?

DAYNA: Pass.

[The light on the scoreboard drops from 50 to 20.]

ANN: The Teal-Vandor Convention. Vila, what R is the condensation of clouds?

VILA: Uh? [Looks panicked. Avon is tapping his console in a bored manner. Vila's eyes fall on his own console, he looks startled, then his face lights up.] Rain?

ANN: Correct. Tarrant, name the crystals, formed by deposits seeping down into thick ice sheets, that are used in heavy duty lasers.

TARRANT: Ice crystals.

ANN: Correct. Cally, name the Auron mythical god who often features in children's tales.

CALLY: The Thaarn.

ANN: Correct. Soolin, how many millimetres are there in four metres?

SOOLIN: Four thousand.

ANN: Correct. Blake, what C is an ancient place for religious gatherings?

BLAKE: A church.

ANN: Correct. Jenna-

JENNA: Bank.

[The light on the scoreboard drops back to 20 while the number 300 appears in the score box.]

ANN: Finish the title of Justin Og's best-seller "Fingers in my..."

JENNA: Hair.

ANN: Correct. Avon, in food, is claret a red or white wine?

AVON: Red.

ANN: Correct. Dayna, if you eat three quarters of a box of 24 chocolates, how many are left?

DAYNA: Eight?

[The light on the scoreboard drops from 100 to 20.]

ANN: Six. Vila, what ancient musical instrument is also the name of a star constellation?

VILA: Eh? [Stares at his console while Avon taps his own.] A lyre?

ANN: Correct. Tarrant, in sport, name the former captain of the Space Command rugby team who had to lay down his position because of wounds received on active duty.

TARRANT: Space Commander Travis.

ANN: Correct. Cally, in the human body, where would you find the larynx?

CALLY: In the throat.

ANN: Correct. Soolin-


[The light on the scoreboard drops back to 20 while the number 400 appears in the score box.]

ANN: What caused the Casarus Swamp Fever?

SOOLIN: The Casarus swamp fly.

ANN: Correct. Blake, from which musical do the songs "Merrily Flies The Old Tub" and "Oh, It's Fun To Be On The Way" originate?

BLAKE: Pass.

[The light on the scoreboard drops from 50 to 20.]

ANN: "A One Way Ticket To Cygnus Alpha". Jenna, in fashion, what is the name for pointed high heels on shoes or boots?

JENNA: Stiletto heels.

ANN: Correct. Avon-

AVON: Bank.

[The light on the scoreboard drops back to 20 while the number 420 appears in the score box.]

ANN: What D is a fight between two contestants?

AVON: A duel.

ANN: Correct. Dayna, in the animal kingdom, polar, brown and grizzly were all types of...?

DAYNA: Dogs?

[The light on the scoreboard drops from 50 to 20.]

ANN: Bears. Vila, in science, how many poles does a magnet have?

VILA: Two.

ANN: Correct. Tarrant, what V is a conical hill through which gasses and molten lava are discharged?

TARRANT: Vortex?

[The light on the scoreboard drops from 50 to 20.]

ANN: Volcano. Cally, who wrote the Federation anthem?

CALLY: Pass.

ANN: MacGonagal. Soolin, which letter represents the Roman numeral for 1000?


ANN: The M. Blake, name the place where the annual meeting of the governors of the Federation is held.

BLAKE: [Gnaws his thumb for a few seconds.] Atlay.

ANN: Correct. Jenna, give the local name for the settlements on the planet Goth.

JENNA: Pass.

[The light on the scoreboard drops from 50 to 20.]

ANN: The tents of Goth. Avon, in science, the theory of molecular reduction deals with what possibility?

AVON: An atomic implosion.

ANN: A stabilised atomic implosion. I cannot accept your answer. Dayna, name the planet colonised by members of the "Back to Native American Nature" movement.

DAYNA: Sarran.

ANN: Correct. Vila, how many days are there in the month of June?

VILA: Thirty-one.

[The light on the scoreboard drops from 50 to 20.]

ANN: Thirty. Tarrant, which of the three-

[Music indicates end of round.]

ANN: Time's up, I cannot complete the question. And in that round, team, you did slightly better, having banked 420 Credits. But who isn't up to the pace? One of you is about to leave. Let's vote off the Weakest Link.

* * * * * * * * *

[Music while the contestants type in the names.]

PRESENTER: [Voice Over:] The strongest link is Jenna, who got only one question wrong and banked the most money. The Weakest Link is Dayna, but will the votes follow the facts?

ANN: Voting over. Time to reveal who you think is the Weakest Link.


CALLY: Dayna.

SOOLIN: Dayna.

BLAKE: Dayna.

JENNA: Dayna.

AVON: Dayna.

DAYNA: Blake.

VILA: Tarrant.

ANN: Blake, you don't like musicals?

BLAKE: They're not my speciality, no.

ANN: That wasn't what I asked. Don't you like musicals?

BLAKE: I've got little time to listen to music.

ANN: You seem to have little time to listen to questions. I asked: don't you like musicals?

BLAKE: Obviously not.

ANN: Thank you for answering. Why Dayna?

BLAKE: She had an unfortunate round. Also, she's quite young, so she probably has had less time to acquire general knowledge than the other members of the team.

ANN: So you CAN answer a straight question. Cally, why Dayna?

CALLY: She got three of her questions wrong.

ANN: She did. Vila, did you miss Dayna getting three of her questions wrong?

VILA: No, but she's standing right beside me.

ANN: Oh, I see, so you voted for Tarrant because he's standing the farthest away from you?

VILA: That's right.

ANN: Well, I'm sure your team-mates will be interested to learn that you won't vote for the weakest link but for the one who's standing at the other end. Jenna, you're a pilot, aren't you?

JENNA: That's right.

ANN: Never been to Goth?


ANN: Why Dayna? You want to get rid of the women on the team?

JENNA: The aim of the game is to get rid of the weakest link, which I think she is.

ANN: Dayna, tell us again what you're studying at Belhangria.

DAYNA: Weapon design.

ANN: A course in general knowledge wouldn't come amiss either. Nor would a course in maths. Dayna, you were the worst player and with six votes you are the Weakest Link. Goodbye.

[DAYNA leaves the platform.]

[Close up of Dayna.]

DAYNA: I think I was very unlucky with the questions. It was unfair to give me a question about Earth animals! And like Tarrant said, we use calculators for our sums. I'd like to see Blake voted off next. I mean, a man who's never heard of "A One Way Ticket To Cygnus Alpha" must be pretty dim, mustn't he?

* * * * * * * * *

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