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Mary Sue writes slash

By Judith Proctor
Page 1 of 1

Blake lay back in his cabin and relaxed. It had been a long day and it was a real relief to escape from the strains of battling the Federation. Music swirled around him, something classical; he wasn't sure of the composer, but thought it was probably first century.


      Mary Sue typed rapidly. This, she was sure, was going to be one of her better stories. Sue Ellen peered over her shoulder.

      "How's it going?"

      "Blake's got this bad back, and Avon's due to come around for their evening chess game."

      "I thought it was Avon who was supposed to have the back problems?"

      Mary Sue smiled. "Then he'll know just how Blake feels won't he?"


      Blake shifted position on the bunk. He couldn't seem to find a comfortable position to lie in; his back seemed to be playing up. He sat up in irritation and wondered whether it was worth going to the medical unit for some pain-killers. The knock at the door distracted him. "Who is it?"

      "Avon of course." The voice sounded slightly surprised. "Don't you remember? We have a chess game to play."

      Blake pressed the button to open the door. Yes, that was it of course, he had an appointment to play chess with Avon. How could he have forgotten?

      "Sorry," he apologised as Avon walked in. "I'm a bit distracted this evening, my back's playing up."


      "I know how that feels," Avon said sympathetically. "Would you like me to give you a back rub?"


      "I know how that feels," Avon said. "Would you like me to give you a back rub?"

      Blake blinked. "Since when were you concerned about my health?"

      "Since...." Avon trailed off. "Blake," he said suddenly, "I think they're at it again!"

      Blake didn't need warning twice. He leaned over and pressed the communications button.




      "Vila," he said hurriedly, "come over to my cabin quickly. We've got slash trouble!"


      Mary Sue passed the typewriter over to Sue Ellen. "Here," she said, "you're better at Avon/Vila than I am."

      Sue Ellen thought for a moment. "Vila's probably drunk by this time of day," she commented. "I expect it brings all his suppressed desires to the surface."

      Vila took bottle in hand and headed down the corridor, weaving gently from side to side. It would be a shame to leave it behind after all, it was still nearly half full. Blake's door was already open, obviously they were waiting for him. As he leaned against the door frame to stop himself falling over, he became aware of Avon's tight leather trousers.


      Avon really did have a lovely bum.


      "Avon," he muttered through an alcoholic haze, "you've got a lovely bum."

      Avon stepped towards him as though mesmerised.

      Blake grabbed Avon desperately by the shoulder. "Remember what happened earlier? This isn't you; they've called in an A/V expert."

      Avon swayed. Vila suddenly seemed terribly tempting. Then he pulled Anna's memory to the front of his mind, her soft feminine curves, the joy of making love to her. He was heterosexual. He knew he was heterosexual, but Vila's soft brown, puppy dog eyes were seeming more appealing by the moment. "Blake," he gasped out, "get Gan!"


      Sue Ellen slammed her hands down on the keys in disgust. "Gan!"

      Ellen Mae came over from where she'd been drawing a portrait of Avon at Star One. "What's the problem?"


      "Avon," Blake said, as Gan's huge bulk filled the doorway, "that was sheer genius! Nobody writes slash stries about Gan."


      Sue Ellen ripped the paper out of the typewriter. "I can't write slash about Gan. I've only ever seen one Gan slash story in my entire life." She strode off to the kitchen in disgust to make a cup of coffee.

      Ellen Mae picked up the discarded paper thoughtfully. It seemed a shame to waste all that effort.


      Jenna locked off the piloting controls. "Zen," she ordered, "wake me if there's anything out of the ordinary." She nodded to Cally. "Zen can keep watch for a while. I think we all deserve a break. Blake was looking a little run down earlier."

      Cally looked thoughtful. "I think he was going to have a chess game with Avon."

      Jenna caught her look. "I'm sure we could help them find something more interesting to do than a game of chess..."


      Yes, this felt more the way of it. Now suppose Jenna gave Blake that back rub.


      Blake looked up in delight as Jenna entered his room. It was getting a little crowded by now, but this was the kind of company he could get interested in. "Jenna," he said hopefully, "I've got a touch of backache."

      Jenna sidled over to the bed. "Lie down and take your shirt off. I'm sure I can do something to help."

      Cally looked hopefully at Avon. "How's your back today?"

      "Terrible," he lied.


Vila and Gan knew when they weren't wanted and quietly exited the room.


      Vila looked at Gan. "Do you ever get the feeling you're not wanted?"

      "No!" Gan protested. "It's not fair. I never get to have any fun. Even Vila gets laid by Cally on occasion. Why do the writers always ignore me?"

      Jenna looked up at the interruption. She was feeling in a mellow mood right now. Besides, Gan was big and strong, and who knew what he might prove to be like in bed given half a chance. "Blake," she murmured into the ear of the man lying on the bed, "I've always fancied making love to two curly headed men at once."

      Never slow to catch on, Cally reached out an arm for Vila. "There's room for three of us on the rug," she pointed out to Avon casually.


      Sue Ellen went back to the top of the paper. She knew when to give in to the inevitable. Drawing a line through the original title, she wrote a new one. "The Liberator Crew have an orgy!"


      "Vila," came a voice from somewhere near the bottom of the pile, "turn out the lights."

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Judith Proctor

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