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Exchange of Messages

By Jackie
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Department of Presidential Affairs
Bobbity

What are the latest odds on who will win the Presidential Elections?

Cledwyn
Department of Legal Affairs


Cledwyn
We will, as usual. Presidents and High Councillors come and go, but we remain regardless. Do you know anything about the candidate Commissioner Sleer?

Bobbity


Bobbity
My records, and those of my 'very thorough friends' show nothing about Commissioner Sleer. For all we know she could be ex-President and Supreme Commander Servalan. Or an android. Or one of the Andromedans (whoever they are).

Cledwyn


Cledwyn
Commissioner Sleer is not an android. Following a strange story sent to me a while ago by my colleagues from Teal all presidential candidates have been checked as being carbon-based life forms. (And when you next come over check the rather interesting Teal wine I have been sent).

I collect stories about the fate of ex-President-ex-Supreme Commander Servalan. They differ wildly, but all account her dead.

Bobbity


Bobbity
I will have two cases of the Teal wine.

Odd thing about ex-whatever Servalan: for all her authority and machinations there seem to be very few people alive now who actually met her.

Cledwyn


Cledwyn
And very few pictures of her. Security no doubt. Perhaps the 'Big Wheel' on Space City has one. Apparently she has been banned there (I have no idea why).

I will be glad when this election is over. All sorts of bills we can get passed before the new President gets the hang of things.

I have received a strange request for information about one 'Dorian' - has he appeared in your files?

Bobbity


Bobbity
'Person or persons' named Dorian appear over the past two hundred years. Mostly for smuggling offences. Sometimes the 'miscellaneous unclaimed offences department' classify all the 'anonymous' crimes by type. Clears up the crime rate nicely if a criminal can be persuaded to take on a group of 'unclaimed offences' - and, apparently, can improve their standing with their peers.

I have no idea why Servalan would have gone to Space City either.

Do you think we can use the Pylene 50 on some of the more annoying politicians?

Cledwyn


Cledwyn
We will have to abandon the use of Pylene 50 - the rebels seem to have an antidote. Would your annoying politicians wish to deal with a group of annoyed Space Rats?

Bobbity


Bobbity
Why would the Space Rats wish to have anything to do with the administration?

Cledwyn


Cledwyn
They claim someone stole some object of theirs. They claim it was 'the most wanted group of rebels' (the 'Scorpio group') who are responsible - but it would upset their pride to blame anyone lesser.

It appears that Justin is dead and his animal research program concluded. Another source of revenue for our purposes unfortunately eliminated.

Bobbity


Bobbity
Yes - all those wonderful projects the authorities never checked up on and still keep on paying up for. The 'Feldon' and 'Virn' projects should run on for a while yet.

Cledwyn


Cledwyn
Or maybe not with Feldon and Virn. It seems the 'Scorpio Group' are responsible for closing them down as well. Perhaps we should get them on our side - and split the revenues we get assigned for dealing with such projects.

Bobbity


Bobbity
We already do a deal with one of the 'the Scorpio Group,' through someone called Orac.

Orac has informed me that the assassin Cancer has been eliminated. I am sure the Presidential Guards will be pleased with that - one fewer annoyance. And there is a cryptic message about Commissioner Sleer and some 'black gold' - whatever that is.

Cledwyn


Cledwyn
Commissioner Sleer has been reported to the Tax and Revenue (Miscellaneous Non-Declaration of) Investigation Department. I have some genuine black gold if you wish to see it.

Any idea what happened to Zukan?

Bobbity


Bobbity
Zukan seems to have conveniently disappeared, presumed dead.

Most of the 'autonomous regional governors' of the regions around him were united in their complaint of his aggressive expansionism. Now he has vanished they are united in carving up his domains. We might be able to reassert our power in the region on the usual terms - if it works, we arrange to get some of the credit, if it doesn't the 'autonomous regional governors' get the blame.

Looks as all if most of the seats for the forthcoming election will be filled by the 'None of the Above' candidates.

Wonderful.

Cledwyn


Cledwyn
What legislation shall we concentrate on getting through first - or shall we wait until the confusion over the President has been sorted out?

Bobbity


Bobbity
'Confusion'? An understatement.

Commissioner Sleer turns out to actually be Servalan: definitely not wanted by anyone. (My original comment *was* a joke - I could have earned a few credits if I'd placed a bet.)

The 'write in' candidate - the winner by a large majority - Roj Blake appears to be somewhat damaged by an ex-colleague following a misunderstanding. That is nothing compared to what goes on in our department at times.

At least we have a new candidate.

Cledwyn


Cledwyn
You should see what goes on in the Presidential Affairs Department. Quite vicious at times.

As a change from President Servalan stories, how about collecting claimants to be Roj Blake?

The Presidential saga could run and run - Orac is arguing that the rules on robots not being presidential candidates do not cover self-aware computers.

Not something I care to get involved in. *I* have arranged a tour of duty on Freedom City. Care to join me?

Bobbity


Bobbity
Why not? By the time we come back the 'several persons and a sentient computer collective presidency' may have come to a working arrangement.

Cledwyn


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