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A Dismal Performance - B7 in The Weakest Link

By Marian de Haan
Page 3 of 9

ANN: Round three. You have a total of 590 Credits in the kitty out of the 2000 you could have won. Seven of you left. We take another ten seconds off the clock. We start with the strongest link from the last round, that's you, Jenna. Let's play the Weakest Link.

[Rousing music.]

ANN: The first question is for twenty Credits. Start the clock! Jenna, what is another name for psycho-strategists?

JENNA: Puppeteers.

ANN: Correct. Avon, was the planet Albian colonised during the Old or the New Calendar?

AVON: [Taps his console.] The Old Calendar.

ANN: Correct. Vila, what insect caused the Pre-Atomic disease malaria?

VILA: [Looks at Avon, who's casually tapping his console, then at his own console.] Mosquito.

ANN: Correct. Tarrant, was the ancient measurement of a pint more or less than a litre?

TARRANT: More.

[The light on the scoreboard drops from 200 to 20.]

ANN: Less. Cally, what would you star sign be if you were born in the first half of June?

CALLY: Pass.

ANN: Gemini. Soolin, from which planet does the caratuli fruit originate?

SOOLIN: Overon.

ANN: Correct. Blake, what is the study of plants called?

BLAKE: Botany.

ANN: Correct. Jenna, in sports how many disciplines are there in a triathlon?

JENNA: Three.

ANN: Correct. Avon, Siamese, British Blue and Maine Coons are all types of ...?

AVON: Felines.

ANN: Cats. I'll accept felines. Vila, how-

VILA: [Catches Avon's mouthed command:] Oh, bank!

[The scoreboard drops back to 20 while the number 200 appears in the score box.]

ANN: How many esses are there in the word scissors?

VILA: [Studies his console while Avon is tapping his own.] Four.

ANN: Correct. Tarrant, is a goldfinch a bird or a fish?

TARRANT: A fish.

[The light on the scoreboard drops from 50 to 20.]

ANN: A bird. Cally, who is the Federation's greatest living authority on viruses, Ensor, Bellfriar or Egrorian?

CALLY: Bellfriar.

ANN: Correct. Soolin, what is the largest river of South America?

SOOLIN: Pass.

[The light on the scoreboard drops from 50 to 20.]

ANN: The Amazon. Blake, what was the name of the song with which the Lace Boys hit the charts in 249?

BLAKE: Pass.

ANN: "Get Ready". Jenna, who was the first president of the New Calendar?

JENNA: Sulisano.

ANN: Melissimo Sulisano, correct. Avon, in human biology, what is the name of the long thin bone of the lower leg?

AVON: [Taps his console.] Fibula.

ANN: Correct. Vila, Caroba and Orinda are members of which band?

VILA: The Space Girls.

ANN: Correct. Tarrant, what is Central Control?

AVON: [Hisses at Vila through Ann's question.] Fool, you should have banked!

TARRANT: Our main computer complex.

ANN: Correct.

VILA: [Hisses at Avon.] I knew he'd get it right!

ANN: Cally, ...

AVON: [Hisses at Vila.] No, you didn't!

CALLY: Bank.

[The light on the scoreboard drops back to 20 while the number 400 appears in the score box.]

VILA: Well, I was right anyway.

ANN: In biology, how many kidneys are there normally in a human body?

CALLY: Two.

ANN: Correct. Soolin, which word can mean a young plant or to fire a gun?

SOOLIN: Shoot.

ANN: Correct. Blake, the first Earth ships to reach deep space were of the what class?

BLAKE: Wanderer class.

ANN: Correct. Jenna, according to legend, what shape was King Arthur's table?

JENNA: Oval?

[The light on the scoreboard drops from 200 to 20.]

ANN: Round. Avon, what is the nearest galaxy to our own?

AVON: Andromeda.

ANN: Correct. Vila, what is the thirteenth letter of the Terran Alphabet?

VILA: Uh? [Starts counting on his fingers, then stares at his console while Avon is gently tapping his own.] The M.

ANN: Correct. Tarrant, what F is the name used for a former living thing preserved in rock?

TARRANT: Follicle.

[The light on the scoreboard drops from 100 to 20.]

ANN: Fossil. Cally, in medicine, which part of the human body does the disease glaucoma affect?

[Music indicates end of round.]

CALLY: The eye.

SOOLIN: Bank!

ANN: Time's up, your answer was correct but you were out of time and so was the banking. And in this round, team, you only managed to bank 400 Credits. Time to ditch the dumb-head, get rid of the dead wood. One of you is about to leave. Time to vote off the Weakest Link.

* * * * * * * * *

[Music while the contestants type in the names.]

PRESENTER: [Voice Over:] The strongest link is Vila, who got all his questions right and banked 200 Credits for the team. The weakest link is Tarrant, the only player to get three questions wrong. But will the others have noticed that?

ANN: Voting over. Time to reveal who you think is the Weakest Link.

TARRANT: Blake.

CALLY: Tarrant.

SOOLIN: Tarrant.

BLAKE: Tarrant.

JENNA: Tarrant.

AVON: Tarrant.

VILA: Tarrant.

ANN: Vila, are you still voting for Tarrant because he's the farthest away from you?

VILA: No, I think he was the weakest link this time.

ANN: I see. Soolin, geography is no speciality of yours?

SOOLIN: Earth geography not, no.

ANN: Well, that shows! Why Tarrant?

SOOLIN: He got the most questions wrong. That makes him the weakest link.

ANN: Irrefutable logic. Tarrant, that's an interesting choice. Blake only got one question wrong.

TARRANT: He doesn't know anything about music! I would have got the Lace Boys question right.

ANN: Oh, that must be a consolation to your team-mates! You haven't made much of an impression here, have you, Tarrant? Apparently they don't teach you maths at the FSA, they don't teach you about measurements, they don't teach you anything about natural history.

TARRANT: They teach how to fly spacecraft.

ANN: Well, that seems to be too limited for a general knowledge quiz. Tarrant, you are the Weakest Link. Goodbye.

[TARRANT leaves the platform.]

[Close up of Tarrant.]

TARRANT: It's clear they've voted me off because they fear me. I had a bad round this time, but I would have become too much of a danger to them later on. Vila is a coward for voting for me in the previous round! He deserves to go off next. And I'll be waiting for him round the corner!

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